Love is quite a rebellious act in a country where patriarchy has its deep roots. Love in itself is a really tricky term to have a definition or explanation. Therefore the idea of love varies from person to person, which is the actual beauty of love or being in love.
To my understanding if I were to explain the majority’s
understanding of love in India then it is all about oppression. (Kindly don’t jump
to the conclusion that I am blind and am not able to see people who have right
notions of love in India). Every time a child is hit by his/her parents, it is
excused by the reason that they don’t mean bad and it is only because they love
you. Of course no parents would want anything bad for their child (at least not
consciously) but their hitting is definitely not love. After some years when
this child- particularly girls are hit by their spouse, they automatically
believe that it is out of love. The girl for this reason continues to stay in
oppressive and toxic marriage, without ever questioning the idea of love. This doesn’t
stop here. It continues as she and her husband too hit their child. Because this
is love, as it was showered on them.
I am aware of the fact that this does not happen in every
home. However in homes where is does happen at least till a particular age are
no less to be ignored.
The term “love jihad” is very much in the air of Indian
politics at present. To my understanding love annoys most Indian uncles and aunties.
As it snatches from them the authority to take decisions for the young people
around them. Every night on TV debate, uncles are so passionate that they need
to save their girls. It is the patriarchal thought that makes him believe that
he is responsible for the safety of women and women are basically idiots who don’t
know that is good for them. I find this deeply disturbing and hilarious. I wish
these uncles could see the number of rapes, marital rapes and other forms of
assaults happening with women. One of these others being - these uncles not
letting women take their own decisions about their education, clothes or life
partner.
From my very little experience, from different relationships
in life- I have come to an understanding that those who love you will support
and understand you and still might not agree with you and your decisions.
Love is clearly difficult for some uncles to understand. So be
a “Difficult Daughter” as Manju Kapur calls it. Fall in love over and over
again. Until they get as comfortable with it, as they are with patriarchy.
