Sunday, 28 March 2021

Shaved LEGS.

It is 3:00am and I am reminded of my instrumental music teacher from 9th standard.  My school had morning assemblies every morning till 10th standard. For 11th and 12th standard students it was not compulsory as they had extra classes to make possible good rank in various entrance exams. I like this set up of not having to attend assembly every morning.

Somehow the hair on my legs is in some sort of competition with the hair on my head. But they lose. However, the fact still remains that I have very hairy legs. So, on one of the fine shiny morning, as the classes were being dispersed in a que to their respective classes after the assembly in 9th standard, Kanika ma’am my instrumental music teacher called me aside and said- “beta get your legs waxed, it doesn’t look good. You are a grown up now.” It made me feel terrible. Clearly not because what she said was wrong but because I knew that I would not get the permission to do so at my home. And also, because now I was enlightened about the fact that I am a grown up and do not look good. I obviously wanted to look good.

I wish I didn’t move my skirt an inch lower to hide the hair on my legs, while getting complimented for my hair on the head by most people around me. I wish I had the courage to tell my teacher that she was wrong. I wish I had believed that I was beautiful with or without the hair on my legs or my head.

Today after more than 10 years I am reminded of my teacher at this hour when I lay with my fresh shaved smooth legs. This is an example that what your teachers says stays with you forever. Though I realized it late but my legs are beautiful, yours are too.

Thursday, 7 January 2021

Women & Household chores

Few days back my mother in the process of supporting teaching profession said that – this profession is best suited to women as it allows them to manage home as well, once they are back home after 2pm and therefore it is women empowerment to be able to do both. As expected of me, I obviously asked why is there a need to do it all in first place?

Here is a funny argument. All of us have very often heard of women being called or considered to be the weaker sex. On the other hand a man is much more superior and stronger and intelligent and what not. When a man comes back home after work, in most household women are expected to take care of his comfort, give him water, keep his food prepared, and should not be asked to do any work. But then how come a women who as I mentioned above is weaker expected to work even after working hours. Technically speaking aren’t only men qualified for this extra work, which has been forced upon women as her duty.

Another funny or may be just an absurd notion in our society is that- women are more close to their children, they have “mamta” and they work for them without any ulterior motives. For that matter the entire household work a women does is seen as a token of love for her family. However these very same people cannot digest the fact that a girl/woman can live alone, have her own house, have a job or be a single parent. I mean clearly a woman can be a single parent if it is her who the child needs the most. Well! NO. Because then this massively discriminatory institution of PATRIARCHY will collapse.  

I think romanticizing women’s exploitation needs to stop.

Saturday, 28 November 2020

LOVE.

Love is quite a rebellious act in a country where patriarchy has its deep roots. Love in itself is a really tricky term to have a definition or explanation. Therefore the idea of love varies from person to person, which is the actual beauty of love or being in love.

To my understanding if I were to explain the majority’s understanding of love in India then it is all about oppression. (Kindly don’t jump to the conclusion that I am blind and am not able to see people who have right notions of love in India). Every time a child is hit by his/her parents, it is excused by the reason that they don’t mean bad and it is only because they love you. Of course no parents would want anything bad for their child (at least not consciously) but their hitting is definitely not love. After some years when this child- particularly girls are hit by their spouse, they automatically believe that it is out of love. The girl for this reason continues to stay in oppressive and toxic marriage, without ever questioning the idea of love. This doesn’t stop here. It continues as she and her husband too hit their child. Because this is love, as it was showered on them.

I am aware of the fact that this does not happen in every home. However in homes where is does happen at least till a particular age are no less to be ignored.

The term “love jihad” is very much in the air of Indian politics at present. To my understanding love annoys most Indian uncles and aunties. As it snatches from them the authority to take decisions for the young people around them. Every night on TV debate, uncles are so passionate that they need to save their girls. It is the patriarchal thought that makes him believe that he is responsible for the safety of women and women are basically idiots who don’t know that is good for them. I find this deeply disturbing and hilarious. I wish these uncles could see the number of rapes, marital rapes and other forms of assaults happening with women. One of these others being - these uncles not letting women take their own decisions about their education, clothes or life partner.

From my very little experience, from different relationships in life- I have come to an understanding that those who love you will support and understand you and still might not agree with you and your decisions.

Love is clearly difficult for some uncles to understand. So be a “Difficult Daughter” as Manju Kapur calls it. Fall in love over and over again. Until they get as comfortable with it, as they are with patriarchy.  

Tuesday, 5 May 2020

Boys Need To Stop Being Boys.



Dusting – done
Best crockery displayed - done
Sofa cover put without crease – done
The girl has changed the clothes – done
After all this is done the guest can enter the house. I can’t stop but say that this is the first and a very passive way when we start objectifying our girls. The girl needs to dress properly which by default has started to mean that her clothes shall not show even an inch of her skin. Well before you say that Swati please don’t exaggerate, nobody asked us to cover the face (it has skin too), let me tell you that it is not about the few liberties they give us, rather it is about them assuming that they have an unsaid right on us(girls).
In school my skirt was brought a bit longer than it should be and the socks a bit taller than they should be. And hence there came a point where they met. However I did find a way out, by folding my socks and wore the skirt from previous grade.  I am mentioning this incident because this factor was emphasised every time my school uniform was purchased. Somehow we have equated the safety with wearing clothes that don’t show much of your skin. A reason to buy clothes a size bigger was that they could be used for longer duration and hence this saves money, but I find it difficult to accept that this was the only reason.
If you are wondering that why am I writing this today, it is because of the anger the incident - “BoysLockerRoom” has caused in my head and in my heart. I will not be talking about the incident here because I think there is much more important thing that we need to address or else the incidents like this will not stop. I don’t know what is wrong with our society that we blame everything (from clothes to social media or education) but not boys. I feel ashamed to say that we need to teach the majority of our humans to have humanity. Funny to hear, right? But it is not.
All of us remember Nirbhya case. Very recently the guilty were hanged. 34000 rapes were reported in India in the year 2018. I don’t need to say that rape is still a taboo in India, hence many cases go unreported. So you can imagine the real numbers for yourself. I am glad that the Nirbhya offenders were punished. But can I ask what has really changed after that? Nothing I would say. There is no report that says that the cases are decreasing or showing such symptoms.
 Don’t deny the fact that you believe that the chances of a poor person committing rape is more. Well you are wrong. Check out the latest- “BoysLockerRoom” case. We also assume that rape happens because of the girl’s short clothes. We assume that by simply making rules will decrease the crime.  In Nirbhya case the criminals were not as educated to know the law, but do the educated (BoysLockerRoom) not commit crime even after being aware of the law. It is stupid to say that we have made the laws and the work is done.
I am not sure if a death sentence is right or wrong. I am still trying to study more about it to form an opinion. However we need to think about the girls who are to be born in this world or are untouched by the harsh reality of our society. We need to think about how we can give them safe environment so that they don’t have to worry about the amount of humanity in the man standing next to her in a bus. I think it is important to study the criminals. A criminal is not made in a day, neither is a rapist. It is the result of the tiny details that we ignore every day or may be simply laugh at them. It is not okay to make a tik-tok on the song which says “I’ll buy you the purse, only if you show me you boobs”. Today it is just a song, tomorrow people might start using to as a new normal. And this is not okay.

Sunday, 19 April 2020

PILLAR GREY


वह pillar grey के नीचे बैठ...
सुबह से साँझ होते देख रहा था।
सब घर मे बंद थे...
कोई उन्हें देख ही नही रहा था।
वो बाहर सड़क के बीचो बीच pillar grey के नीचे,
आते जाते पहियों को बड़े ही ध्यान से देख रहा था।
बाकी तो और कुछ दिख ही नही रहा था।
वह pillar grey के नीचे बैठा बस यही सब देख रहा था।
सुबह से शाम होते
बार - बार, देख रहा था।

What should we do in situations like these? Everybody is looking at it through his/her own understanding of what would be good for our country as a whole.
While taking in all what experts and others have to say about the situation, my mind is quite confused about the relationship of economy (or money) and people (or citizens, if you want to see them only in the context with the State). Which one of the two is more important? Does economy make people or people make economy? Can we place one over the other? Some people are suffering more than the other, is it because of their economic condition?

I am no way worthy or the right person to right about the pain of any other person. The above lines writing by me are the saddest part of the situation we are living in right now. I am clueless, if I should be happy about my privilege of being able to write in such situations or grieve about my own countrymen/women/children who lack it or are living it. 

Tuesday, 21 January 2020

What can education do?


There are so many things for which I and my father are not on the same page. But there is one thing. That is education. If there is anything that has given me and my sibling the privilege that I have today is only because of the fact that my father clearly understood the importance of his own education and then ours. I clearly remember that during shifting from one rental house to another, the number of books to be shifted was the major concern. However small was the size of the room that we lived in, books occupied the major space there. The happiness that he had when I expressed my wish to read a book was much more compared to when I wanted a toy.

I am writing this as there is so much hatred being spread for students or should I say particularly for those students who know their rights and know how to speak. This is not very new in our country. Very easily the new generation is accused of being rude, disrespectful and outspoken. Getting education is blamed to have spoiled us. Not speaking what is on our mind or not questioning our elders is our patriarchal way of living. This is true that nobody in power likes to be questioned, as this act somehow dismiss their power. For example – a political spokesperson went on to say that “PM (you all know who) baap hai is desh ka”. Do you see the similarity that how you are not allowed to question your father in most of the Indian households and now the PM too? In Indian society it is so deeply imbibed that it is considered to be culturally wrong. In the name of culture our women have suffered throughout ages. They have naturally started accepting the duty of keep the honour and pride of the man/ head intact. Children even after getting education of Ph.D. level are considered to be not capable enough to take their own decision.

There can be two reasons for this. First that our elders know how poor is the quality of our education that it cannot prepare us for real life decision. The second reason could be that they enjoy the power over us so much that they won’t lose hold of us. They feel it to be their right. Of what use is our education, if our voices are dismissed like they are nothing. I know that my father does not like when I disagree with most of his point of views or decisions. But he does not dismiss it right away, because he trusts the education he provided me. Also it is because he is well educated and knows how education can transform an individual.

Education did transform me. From what I can recall as a child, I felt that going against the set norm or from how majority works is wrong. From being bullied at school to then speaking my mind education changed me a lot. I can recall how I was hated and for speaking up for those who were bullied at school. I used to get disheartened at that age, when I was called names for doing so. They called me “Mayawati” and assumed that I would join a political party. It is funny that how no political party actually stands up for those who are bullied. On this day when I look back, I feel extremely happy that my education did not just stop at getting graded report card but also made me a better human and gave me voice to speak for others and not just for myself.


Thursday, 6 June 2019

FREE. FREE. FREE.


It isn’t rare to hear – “ ye ladies ka pta nhi problem kya hai”, “ help kro toh dikkat na kro toh dikkat”, “ these feminists are too complaining”, “ itna kuch toh kr rhe hai aur kya kre inke liye”. Some of you might have passed comments like these or may be just thought of them in your head.  Well congratulations. All this while you were wrong in what you said and thought.

Let me come straight to the point. Delhi government made an announcement to make the metro and bus rides free for women. Applause… it is definitely a great thing to listen at first instance. But wait, think again. First question, why is such a decision taken? The answer could be coming up elections or the ideology of our selected representatives about women. This reminds me of the joke made on women and sale in shops. In both the possible why answers, it is clear that women are being seen as the easy targets and hence weak. While you are trying to be helpful (in my words- “partial”) to one particular group (in this case particular “sex” of the society) not only are you accepting the inequality between those groups but are also carrying forward the differences.

Men in our society definitely enjoy many liberties they are given access to by our society (it includes even women). But dear Delhi government not all men are born rich just like not all men rape. It would have been appreciated if students or old aged people or the public in general was kept in mind while taking the decision. After all you represent all the other sections of the society too not just women.

You said that you wanted women to travel safe. How is a free ride assurance for the safety? And clearly you don’t expect us to travel in metro/bus all day. We will step out of it. What about the safety from the place we are coming from and the place we are going to? How happy should I be about my safety for about maximum 2-4 hours I will travel? Wouldn’t it have been better if you talked about the other much more important concerns in your state? I am sure you have a long list of them, which you ignored very well and played gendered politics.

Shaved LEGS.

It is 3:00am and I am reminded of my instrumental music teacher from 9 th standard.  My school had morning assemblies every morning till 10...